DON’T GO IN THE BELLY BUTTON OF A FAT GIRL…
Years ago, I had a friend who had an appendectomy. The surgery was laparoscopic and he was, incidentally, slender. One of his abdominal ports was directly into his belly button and he healed well. Thus, I assumed the button was a surgeon’s preferred port location.
Before I go any further let’s take a moment to recognize the geography of a belly button. Some are round and some oblong. Some belly buttons are innies and some are outies. The belly button on my husband is very nice, round and not terribly deep enough to collect any significant amount of lint. Mine, on the other hand is a dark, deep pit that mooshes together when in a non-flattery displacement position, if you will. Essentially, it is a black hole without an ending that is asphyxiated from air. I am sure that if you stuck you finger in my belly button, you literally could touch my intestines and my abdominal cavity may just swallow your entire finger. This description basically goes hand in hand with a larger person. When I sit down, my button disappears and it looks like my skin is smiling. I think it is a Newton Law that the more mass you have, the deeper the potential for finger swallowing. My belly button has potential, I guess.
Six years ago, I had a laparoscopic cholecystectomy which is the surgical removal of the gall bladder. The surgeon did not use my belly button as a port. I have to admit that I was a tad bit offended. Instead, he went in just about an inch above my belly button. I recognized my slightly larger abdominal girth and figured he knew what he was doing. He did; I healed well in record time.
You all know that I recently had a laparoscopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy. My doctor, in all of her infinite wisdom, decided to use my black hole as one of the six lap ports. Since that time my button has experience two minor but irritating infections, itched for the last six weeks, turned a lovely scar purple, and started bleeding the other day for no apparent reason. I figured her office would have me committed for calling in a surgical side effect of a bleeding button. I slathered it with antibiotic sauce after a peroxide drench that created more foam than a rabid dog.
If you find yourself a bit larger than the average 120 pound hottie and facing abdominal surgery, insist your smarty pants doc does not access you button as a surgical port.
Please, send my belly button all your warmest get well wishes. Thanks in advance.
Before I go any further let’s take a moment to recognize the geography of a belly button. Some are round and some oblong. Some belly buttons are innies and some are outies. The belly button on my husband is very nice, round and not terribly deep enough to collect any significant amount of lint. Mine, on the other hand is a dark, deep pit that mooshes together when in a non-flattery displacement position, if you will. Essentially, it is a black hole without an ending that is asphyxiated from air. I am sure that if you stuck you finger in my belly button, you literally could touch my intestines and my abdominal cavity may just swallow your entire finger. This description basically goes hand in hand with a larger person. When I sit down, my button disappears and it looks like my skin is smiling. I think it is a Newton Law that the more mass you have, the deeper the potential for finger swallowing. My belly button has potential, I guess.
Six years ago, I had a laparoscopic cholecystectomy which is the surgical removal of the gall bladder. The surgeon did not use my belly button as a port. I have to admit that I was a tad bit offended. Instead, he went in just about an inch above my belly button. I recognized my slightly larger abdominal girth and figured he knew what he was doing. He did; I healed well in record time.
You all know that I recently had a laparoscopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy. My doctor, in all of her infinite wisdom, decided to use my black hole as one of the six lap ports. Since that time my button has experience two minor but irritating infections, itched for the last six weeks, turned a lovely scar purple, and started bleeding the other day for no apparent reason. I figured her office would have me committed for calling in a surgical side effect of a bleeding button. I slathered it with antibiotic sauce after a peroxide drench that created more foam than a rabid dog.
If you find yourself a bit larger than the average 120 pound hottie and facing abdominal surgery, insist your smarty pants doc does not access you button as a surgical port.
Please, send my belly button all your warmest get well wishes. Thanks in advance.
posted by Nan's News at 12:59 PM
1 Comments:
I know I am a complete stranger to you, but I am a friend of Heather's, and she just recently found my blog. After checking her's out, I came upon yours, and I had to thank you for making my day. I laughed so hard reading your blog. I truly needed that, and I thank you.
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